(Verse 1)
/Got up this morning, looked in the mirror/ Saw white skin, if not clearer/ Grab my brush, hit the Colgate/ Hit the speakers, heard my Coldplay/Yeah, that’s my jam/ Milquetoast baby, yes I am/ Where’s my khaki’s, damn not again/Still stuck up in the laundry bin/ Found my sweater, Eddie Bauer/ Grab my D.O., fuck a shower/ Spray my Axe and off I go/ Starbucks kid, cup of joe/Hit a bump, spilled my latte/ /With my Bluetooth on the highway/ Party this weekend, me and brosef/ High school chicks, strip poker/ Get the Jager, Bain’s got the roofies/ Can’t wait for ol girl to do me/ She’s seen me once, said I’m small/ But still tickled me and my balls/ Got her on camera, sucking lovely/ But then she puked and told me she loved me/

(Hook)
Milquetoast Mackin/ Milque,Milque,Milquetoast Mackin/ Cruisin in my Volvo, Billy Joel a steady blastin/ Milquetoast Mackin/ Milque, Milque, Milequetoast Mackin/ I get what I want, and I'll be damned if I'm askin/

(Verse 2)
Got a trust fund, so does Thomas/ He spends on coke he cuts with Comet/ Fucks sum whores, but buys em honest/ Gets at least five minutes promised/ Swear he’s bonkers, like his father/ Could be richer, but he don’t bother/ Usually catch me in my Crocker's/ Sorry, Croc's, and I oughta/ Holla at Osama’s daughter/ Oil’s up and time’s are harder/ Did I say, I love Twilight/ Of this year, been my highlight/ Volvo whippin, this the high life/ Mayor’s gala, this is my life/ Hit the ball, flask with NyQuil/ If ya’ll sleepin, I know I will/

(Hook)
Milquetoast Mackin/ Milque,Milque,Milquetoast Mackin/ Cruisin in my Volvo, Billy Joel a steady blastin/ Milquetoast Mackin/ Milque, Milque, Milequetoast Mackin/ I get what I want, and I'll be damned if I'm askin/

(Verse 3)
Love Titleist and Sarah Palin/ She a bust but I’d love to nail her/ Rock Nautica like I’m a sailor/ Steerin yachts like I’m a sailor/ Own a few Norman Mahler's/ Even pay someone to say my prayers/Bump Curtis cuz he golfs with Daddy/ Ya’ll call him Fifty, not me and Daddy/ Hybrid on Duece, when I drive the Caddy/ I play with cake, ya’ll playin' Paddy/ Down in Charleston, shuckin' oysters/ Me and Sanford, freakin' joyous/ Parrot-heads, me and the boys is/And John Mayer is so annoying/ Well, I'm off to brunch, Me, Tom, and Will/ Milquetoast, we freakin' kill/